1. Crane Johnson - Main character and narrator, majority owner of Alamo Consulting Consortium (ACC)
2. Joel Jay Andersen - Title character, age 12
3. Lawrence (Larry) Jay Andersen - age 9 right-handed twin
4. Leonard (Lenny) Jay Andersen - age 9 left-handed twin
5. Timothy Jay (TJ) Anderson - age 6
6. Hildy Ramirez - housekeeper, cook and nanny
7. Dr. Samuel Greene (Dr. Sam) - pediatrician and neighbor
8. Carol Greene - wife of Dr. Greene
9. Jack Hogan - police detective and friend
10. Carolyn Hogan - wife of Jack
11. Jack Hogan Jr. - oldest son of Jack and Carolyn, age 15
12. Timmy Hogan - youngest son of Jack and Carolyn, age 13
13. Sara Hogan - only daughter of Jack and Carolyn, age 5
14. Theresa Shannon - CPS official, Canyon Lake resident
15. Joyce Gerhig - boys' CPS case worker
16. Dorothy Marie Andersen - Joel and the boys' mother
17. Harry Andersen - Joel and the boys' father.
18. Benjamin Cross - family practice attorney
19. Dr. Owen Adams - Adolescent Psychiatrist.
20. Eric Olsen - partner in ACC
21. Carlos Martinez - contract attorney for ACC
22. Gary Everett - CPS attorney.
23. Judge Frank - family court judge.
24. Judge Yates - appellate judge.
25. Mr. Lansing - twins' teacher.
26. Mrs. Godwin - TJ's teacher.
27. Paul Coulter - Joel's tutor.
28. Justin Pierce - headmaster at Corinthian Academy
29. Harry Lyle - Pierce's assistant.
30. Pastor Rollins - Hildy's pastor.
31. Foster Brandt- officer manager at ACC.
32. Carol - secretary at ACC.
33. Darrell - works at marina
34. Detective Barbara Silver - police interviewer.
35. Sylvia Brown - with the DA's office
36. Gerald Cousins - accountant, financial advisor, tax consultant
37. Christopher (Chris) Mathew Martin - abandoned boy, age 10
38. Darcie Levin - CPS case worker
39. Jimmy Sanchez - criminal attorney
40. Eric Levin - Darcie's brother and networking expert
41. Eric Levin Jr. (JR) - Darcie's nephew
42. Judge Riley - family court judge
43. Judge Farley - criminal court judge
44. Harold Nicholas - Lake resident and home builder/contractor
45. Joey Nicholas - Harold' son and classmate of TJ
46. Karen Lin - family practice attorney
47. Bruce Gordinier - Lake resident and fundamentalist Christian
48. Pauline Gordinier - Bruce' wife
49. John Gordinier - Bruce and Pauline's son and Joel's friend, age 13
50. Rachel Gordinier - daughter, age 10
51. Linda Gordinier - daughter, age 8
52. Cassie Gordinier - daughter, age 7
53. Billy Sutton - classmate and friend of Larry and Lenny
54. Max and Janet Sutton - Billy's parents
55. Reverend Gerald Fullwell - fundamentalist preacher and homophobe
56. Collin Cupp - Independent Investigators private eye
57. Samson - Joel's dog rescued from abuse
58. Jesse Cantu - Comal County Deputy Sheriff
59. Jim Harrington - executor of Chris' aunt's will
60. Judge Clinton - corrupt Bexar County Court judge