Tor wakes me by tousling my hair. "Going to sleep all day?" His beard scrapes against my chin when he kisses me.
The rest of the weekend it's him and me. Where Tor is, I am. Vince gets his kicks, but far as I'm concerned, he doesn't exist. I really get up-tight when Tor gets his stuff together and heads for his car late Sunday afternoon. I ain't sure I can take five days without him.
"Can't you stay?"
He hugs me tight. "You know I can't, babe. It's only for five days and with you here, I'm not staying a minute longer than I have to. I'll be back before you know it."
I must have looked really down, because Vince comes over when Tor drives off and puts his arm around my shoulders. "I'm glad you and Greg are getting along so well, Andy, but right now his education has to be the most important thing in his life. When he graduates next year he'll be one of the youngest to have ever finished at the university. I'm hoping he'll stay on for his doctorate."
"What's he studying?"
"Marine biology. He will graduate with honors if he keeps up his work, so I hope you won't bother him when he has to study."
"Gosh, no. I wouldn't do anything to hurt Tor . . . ugh, Greg."
Vince ignores my slip. "Since you've decided to stay with us, I think you should begin your studies also. I've talked with the tutor that worked with Greg, and he'll be here tomorrow at nine to give you some tests so he can lay out a course of study for you. You will study with him here, because the schools in this district are terrible."
"Ooooh, shit."
Vince laughs. "Don't start that. Greg was exactly the same, but he got along fine with Hilliard. I think you will, too. Oh, yes, I meant to ask. Have you any hobbies? Greg likes his radio and books, and you should have something to occupy your time when he's away."
"I liked the way you made those pictures the other night. Could you show me how?"
"Photography is an excellent hobby. I'll be delighted to teach you what I know. I'll get you a camera and let you try shooting some film. Once you learn to compose a good picture, I'll teach you darkroom work. I tried to get Greg interested, because photography is important to his field of study, but he said he would leave the picture taking to someone else. If you become good enough, you can be a big help to him. I'm sure he would appreciate it."
The thought of being able to do something for Tor that counts settles it. Photography it'll be and I'll be damn good at it.
While I'm eating breakfast the next morning, John comes in and tells me Professor Hilliard is waiting for me in the study. I'd forgotten all about him. While I'm finishing, all I can see is some old guy about eighty with a squeaky voice and a nasty temper, but there at Vince's desk is a guy who doesn't look much older than Tor. He grins at me and shakes my hand.
"I'm glad to meet you, Andy. Vince has told me a lot about you." I must have looked surprised, because he goes on. "I work for Vince's company. Don't worry about watching what you say, I know Vince is gay. I am, too."
He spreads a bunch of papers in front of me. "Let's get with it. These tests will take about three hours, so get comfortable."
The old-maid teachers I had in grade school were pussy-cats compared with this guy. He leans on me but good. I'm sweating by the time I finish.
He picks up the papers and frowns at me. "You have to know that if I'm going to work with you, you can do a lot more than you think you can and that's what I'll be demanding. You don't have to worry about my touching you. You're a beautiful kid, but I'm faithful to my lover and I don't need chicken. Vince told me you and Greg get along fine, so I'm glad you're here for Greg's sake. He's been very lonely at times and you will be, too, but Vince needs a kid around. I'll grade these tonight and tomorrow we'll get down to work."
I'm in such a sweat, I can't wait for him to leave so I can get to the pool. After I splash around to cool off, I start practicing like Tor showed me. If he's into marine stuff I know I've got to learn to swim good so I can keep up with him.
Vince comes home a couple of hours early and hands me a shopping bag full of boxes. "I couldn't wait, Andy."
When I open the boxes, there's a camera, several different lenses, a flash unit, and lots of other stuff. When he said he'd get me a camera, I expected he would get me one of those little ones.
"Gosh, Vince, I'll never learn to use this."
"Certainly you will. It's just as simple as one of those toys they sell now. This is a professional SLR. As long as you're going to learn, you might as well learn to handle an instrument that will last you many years. This one is precisely the type needed for Greg's work."
Like I never owned anything this good in my life, and hearing it's what I need to help Tor, I put it down and go to Vince.
"No," he says quickly and pulls back.
"I just wanted to thank you," I say, then I remember what Tor told me.
Vince's smile returns. "You may hug me if you wish."
I hug him tight. "Thanks, Vince. I really appreciate all this."
He pats my cheek. "You're a delightfully affectionate child, Andy. He picks up the camera. "Here, I'll show you how to load it and we'll go out and get some shots while there's still plenty of light."
We go out in the yard and I snap away until I've used up a whole roll of film. I didn't want to use it all at once, but Vince laughs at me when I say something. "There's plenty in my darkroom. I'll load several cartridges tonight and you can take more pictures tomorrow. We'll see how you did tomorrow night when I have time to develop the film."
I go up to bed early and spend some time trying to understand the books that came with the camera and stuff. When Vince comes in he answers the questions I have and shows me some things with the camera, then kisses me good night.
For some reason I wake up earlier than usual and can't go back to sleep, so I dress and go outside. There's a big spider web in one of the rose bushes all covered with dew, so I switch lenses like Vince showed me and get some shots of it.
Vince is at the table when I come in. When I tell him why I'm late to breakfast, he grins. "Good boy. But don't forget your lessons with Hilliard."
I can tell Hilliard loves teaching from the way he lays it on me. Before the four hours are up, my head's swimming like it did the time the old lady forced some of her cheap booze down me. I ain't sure I can do all the stuff he leaves me for homework. After lunch and a swim, I spend the afternoon working on it. When I see it's time for dinner, I go down.
After we eat, Vince takes me down to the darkroom. He explains what he's doing each step of the way. When he finally turns on the lights so I can see the film, I can't see anything but a blurry strip, but Vince looks happy. "I think you've gotten several good shots, Andy."
"How can you tell? I can't see much of nothing."
"This is the negative. I'll run a proof sheet so we can see if you've anything worth printing." He turns off the light and gets to work. This time they look like pictures to me, but they're so small I have to look at them through a magnifying glass. Vince points to one. "This looks quite good." He sets the negative in a frame and starts the enlarger. When he takes the print from the drier there's the spiderweb so real I can almost touch it and the dew drops have a sparkle I didn't even see when I took the shot.
"Is it any good?"
"Excellent for a beginner. I had to crop it a little for balance, but the focus is right and you really saw it as a picture. You have a natural eye for photography." He puts his hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Andy. Keep working and later I'll teach you how to develop your own film."
I'm happy I did something to please him, 'cause I looked in his photography magazines and I can't believe what that camera and other stuff cost. It's more than my old man made in a couple of months.
When I go up to bed, I figure Vince ain't going to do more than kiss me, but he comes in as I'm about to undress. He tosses me a pair of jeans and tells me to try them on. They fit looser than I like, but Vince tells me they're perfect. When I slip them off, he pushes me down on the bed, rolls me over on my belly, then grabs my right foot and pushes it up behind me until it's touching my butt. "Does that hurt, Andy?"
"Naw. I'm real limber."
"Good." He pulls the jeans up my left leg. When I start to straighten out my right leg, he says, "No. Leave it." Damn if he doesn't pull the jeans on up with my right leg still folded up in 'em and zips up the fly. He puts a wide leather belt in the loops and stands me up on my left foot, handing me a pair of crutches I hadn't noticed. I just stand there. I mean I never broke my leg or anything, so I don't know what to do. It's weird. Vince stoops down and folds up the empty part of the jeans leg, pinning it in place.
"You're even more beautiful with one leg than I imagined, Andy. Come here, my precious."
I hobble over best as I can and stand in front of him while he gets his kicks. When it's over, he asks me, "Does it bother you to stand like that?"
It makes me feel stupid as hell, but I shake my head.
"I'm glad. You're so beautiful that way." He gives me a kiss and leaves me to undress.
I guess I'm going to be standing in for Tor when he ain't here, but as long as it don't get any worse than this, I can go along with Vince, 'cause I miss Tor, too.
I play around with the crutches the next afternoon while I'm studying. By dinner time I could get around on them fine. I wish my schoolwork was as easy.
I'm about ready to put on the jeans when Vince comes in and stops me, and tapes my foot flat against my butt. I pull on the jeans and swing across the room on the crutches real easy.
Vince gives me a big smile. "I knew you wouldn't let me down, Andy. Walk around some more."
I make the length of the room a couple of times before he stops me. His eyes have gotten that glazed look. I stand in front of him while he pulls my jeans down. It hurts a little when he pulls my leg up, because he's got my foot taped so tight, but his eyes are closed and he's running his hands up and down my leg. I take the hint and hold it out while he strokes it and gets his jollies.
When it's over, Vince pulls up my jeans and gives me a big smile. "Thank you for being so eager to please, Andy. You really are a sweet child." He kisses me. "Did I hurt you?"
"Only when you pulled my leg up."
"I'm sorry." He touches my cheek and goes down the hall.
Monday's homework for Hilliard be damned! I'm waiting when Tor pulls up in the drive Friday afternoon.
"Baby!" He grabs me, almost busting my back he hugs me so tight. He carries me up to our room and it ain't a minute before we're undressed and he's in my arms. It's good to be held and loved after playing Vince's games all week. The ache disappears like magic. I lay in his arms completely happy and about asleep when Tor runs his fingers through my hair.
"We've got to dress, babe. Vince will be home pretty soon."
"Screw Vince. I just want you to hold me."
"That's what I want, too, but we've got to eat."
We almost don't get through dinner what with Vince chatting away and showing Tor the pictures I took. He hands him the one of the spider web last.
Tor looks at me. "You really took this, Andy?"
I nod.
"Didn't he do an excellent job, Greg? I think he has the makings of an expert. He certainly has an eye for seeing things and he's trying very hard to learn so he can help you."
"I just hope I can get good enough."
Tor comes around the table, grabs me up in a hug, and kisses me. "You really are beautiful, babe."
I cut my eyes at Vince 'cause I ain't sure how he's going to take this, but he's smiling, happy as can be.
"I kept telling you he was perfect, Greg. Do you believe me now?"
Tor winks at me. "He's beautiful in more ways than one."
When we go upstairs, Vince makes Tor wait outside our room. "Andy and I have a surprise. We'll only be a minute."
He tapes my foot up and I get dressed in the jeans. When I'm standing in the middle of the floor, he calls Tor in.
I don't believe the look on Tors' face. He runs to me and knocks the crutches down, holding me in his arms while he runs his hand down my leg.
"You son of a bitch!" He screams at Vince. "Have you hurt Drew?"
Vince turns pale. "No, Greg, honest."
"Hey," I put my hand on Tor's arm, "I'm okay. It's just pretend."
Tor lets out his breath and hands me the crutches. "I'm sorry, Vince. It was just seeing Andy like this kind of reminded me of my arm, I guess."
Vince gets between us with his arms around our shoulders. "How could I hurt such a beautiful boy as Andy. But without you, Greg, I almost go mad, and Andy's so lovely. You don't really mind, do you?"
"Not as long as he's willing to go along, but I don't like it. I'm warning you, Vince, if you hurt him, you'll have me to answer to."
With both of us there to turn him on, Vince is beside himself. Tor doesn't wait. He picks me up and carries me to the bed, then lays down beside me. He touches me with the end of his arm, a long caress. I can see why it makes Vince go out of his mind.
As Vince is leaving, he kisses Tor and me. "You two constantly amaze me. I wouldn't have thought anything could be so beautiful as the way you love each other."
Tor rubs my leg. "You sure you don't mind, babe?"
"Not particular. I mean I feel stupid, but it makes Vince happy and you saw the swell camera he bought me. I guess I owe him a little fun."
"You're really sweet." He hands me the crutches. "Walk across the room."
I would of crawled if he'd asked me. I take a few swings across the room and back to the bed where Tor's sitting.
"You're unbelievable."
"Why?"
"You do it so easy. There's a guy down the hall from me at school who's used crutches for years and he's not smooth as you." He pulls me down beside him. "Come here."
It time for me to get what I've wanted, so I pull back. "Put your arm back on."
"Come on, Drew. I'm tired."
"I'm not kidding. Put it on."
He gives me a little smile as he reaches for it and I memorize each step, but Tor likes to tease. Before I know what he's doing, he's grabbed my finger in the hook. I let out a yelp of surprise and pain.
"Come on, babe, I can't hold it like this too long. If I let go, it'll really hurt."
I suck on my aching finger and ask, "What makes it work?"
He puts a finger on a wide black band at the base of the hook. "This rubber band. I open it by moving my right shoulder a little." The hook opens, then closes with a snap.
I put my hands on the harness and work on the first buckle, reversing the way he put it on, then ease his arm from the socket. It's red from chaffing, so I get the tube of medicated cream he uses and massage it.
"From now on, I'll do this when you're home. I like doing things for you."
When we're ready for a shower, Tor rips the tape from my foot, but he stops when I ask him for the crutches. "I need 'em, Tor. It takes a while for my leg to get straightened out."
I feel myself being lifted. "Not when I'm here. Gives me another excuse to hold you."
Most of the weekend we spend studying. Tor's working on another research paper and Hilliard's come down on me. Tor stops his work once in a while to help me when I get stuck. Math's always been hard for me, but Hilliard makes it almost interesting. Tor doesn't let up on me either, but finally he calls a break and rings for John to bring up Cokes for us. He starts to read but lets the book drop. When I look up, he's staring at me, tapping his pencil against the desk.
"What's the matter?"
Instead of answering, he gets up and comes around the desk. He pulls me up, looking into my eyes. "Drew," he whispers and pulls me against his bare chest, holding me tightly. I can feel the end of his arm pressing under my shoulder blades. He buries his face in my hair. My arms go around him. When he kisses me, its' softer, gentler than it's ever been.
"See? See how it is with me?"
All I know is the love pouring over me from a guy I first thought was interested only in himself, love more intense than I've ever known. I snuggle closer. It feels so good to know somebody wants you even when you haven't got anything to offer them.
I don't mind seeing him drive away so much this time. All the studying I've got to put in and taking pictures whenever I get a moment free doesn't leave me much time to get lonely, 'cept at night. I lie there after Vince has gone wondering what Tor's doing and wishing he was beside me.
Tuesday night Vince lets me develop my first roll of film. At least I do it while he tells me what to do. When I hold up the contact prints to get a look, I feel like I've really done something. It's going to be a while before I can work alone because it's more complicated than I thought, but all the stuff Vince has makes it a lot easier.
Things settle down to a routine with Tor coming home every weekend and Hilliard working my tail off. Once or twice when Tor has to stay at school on the weekend, Vince takes long walks with me, working with his camera while I work with mine. After New Year's he gives me a key to the darkroom and lets me work alone. It's not too long before he stops criticizing my work and starts comparing it to his own. He always bitches when we go out together and I get a shot that's better than his.
I thought Tor and me would be together for the summer, but Tor's signed up for summer classes while I continue on with Hilliard. We do get a couple of weeks together at Vince's cabin in the mountains at the end of summer, but they pass so fast it's hard to believe it happened.
Even though it's only his third year, Tor's now a senior. He spends even more time on his studies, but always leaves time for me. During Christmas break we have a good time together, but Tor tells me that what he's really looking forward to most is that when the weather warms up a little in spring he'll be taking trips down the coast on the university's research vessel.
Though Hilliard keeps me busy, I find out what Tor meant when he said it got lonely. To make it worse, Vince misses Tor, too, and this makes him demanding of me. When Tor's home for a weekend and I tell him about it, he takes Vince aside for a talk. But I've about had it.
After we're in bed I tell Tor I'm ready to split. He's unhappy, and thinking of how I'll miss him, I shed a few tears.
"Don't cry, baby. Except for finishing school, you're the only thing keeping me here. I used to lie to Vince and stay at school on weekends so I wouldn't have to come back, but that was before you. Try to stick it out for me. I can't take you in the dorm and I'm not giving you up. When I graduate, we'll split, just the two of us. I'll get a job and you can go to college."
There's nothing I wouldn't do for Tor and I figure I can take most anything Vince can dish out as long as I've got Tor. If it gets too rough, I'll tell Tor first so he can find me wherever I go.
Things stay pretty much as usual until about the first of March. Tor's been out on the research vessel for over two weeks and will be home on Tuesday, but the weekend before he's due in, Vince goes bananas. I'm wondering what's up when I hear him tell John that after dinner Thursday night he and all the other servants can take a long weekend; that we're going out of town.
When I come down Friday morning for breakfast, Vince is sitting at the kitchen table wearing slacks and a pullover. He grins at me. "After breakfast, we're going hiking in the woods so you can try some close-up shots of plants. There are a few early ones coming into bloom."
That's okay with me until after we've eaten and Vince tells me to get ready. One look at his eyes tells me this ain't goin' to be a fun day. He follows me up to my room and throws me the jeans, one of my hiking boots, and a pullover. I figure if that's the game it ain't gonna be much of a hike, so I don't complain.
It turns out the woods he has in mind are on the far side of his property where I've never been before. He makes me walk every step of the way and there ain't much of the woods we don't cover. My ass is dragging by the time we get back to house almost three hours later and I'm ready to get both feet on the floor, but Vince ain't having it. He stops in the kitchen to pick up a plate of sandwiches and we go down to the darkroom. My leg's stopped hurting, but my arms are plenty sore from the crutches. We eat while the film is developing and then he makes me spend another couple of hours printing the best shots. By the time we're done, I can't feel anything in my leg; it's as dead as the wood in the crutches. When he lets me go, it's all I can do to make it up the stairs. I get to the tub and fill it with water hot as I can stand, but it's over half an hour before I can straighten out my leg. Then it hurts so bad I almost wish it really was cut off. I guess Vince figured out I hurt, because he brings me a glass of water and a couple of pills.
The next morning somebody's shaking me awake. For a moment I think it's Tor, but it's Vince. Before I can move, he has my leg taped up again and tells me to get dressed. I can see it's going to be like yesterday and I don't want another of those king-sized cramps.
"Aw, come on, Vince. It ain't . . . "
He pops me up side the head. I see stars. For a minute there I draw back a fist, but I hear Tor saying: 'Be careful, babe,' so I drop my hand and start to dress.
Vince doesn't once let up the whole day. We must have walked three times what we did yesterday and it's dinner time by the time all the film's developed. But it ain't over. After we eat, Vince drags me back to the darkroom and makes me do the printing and enlargements. After I fall a couple of times from being so tired, Vince lets me go.
This time even an hour in the whirlpool in the hottest water I can take doesn't help. I have to use the crutches to get from the bath to the bed. Then my leg begins to hurt. It comes on slow, but then the pain gets so bad I begin to cry. Vince must have heard me, because he gives me a capsule that knocks me out.
When I wake up, it's late. My leg still hurts some, but it's not more than I can take. Vince is still at the table when I go down. "You're doing so well, Andy, I thought we might just loaf around and maybe take a swim. I set the heater up on the pool."
He sets a plate of waffles in front of me and I dig in. I love 'em light brown and crisp, but I'm watching Vince.
"Haven't you forgotten something, Andy?"
The way he says it, I forget everything except I'm not going to play his stupid games any more. "No!"
"What?" Vince yells.
"No. I'll do anything you want, but you can forget those fucking crutches."
His eyes flash fire and before I can move he lets me have it side of the head again. I hit the floor, but he grabs my arm and jerks me up. "You'll do what you're told."
"The hell I will!" I twist away and run for the door.
I know the gates are closed so I head for the cut down to the train tracks at the back of the house. I can hear Vince running behind me. I stumble on a root and he almost has me before I can get my balance and run on. Every once in a while I hear him yelling, "Damn you, Andy, come back here. Damn it, Andy!"
When I get to the cut, I almost panic. I've misjudged and the worn down place is a couple of hundred yard to my right. I make a run for it. As I start to climb down I feel Vince grab the collar of my shirt, but I jerk away and slide the rest of the way. There's a freight train coming. It's not moving too fast, so if I can grab a ladder on one of the boxcars, I can get away. My feet slip again and I fall at the edge of the track. A small rock bounces down beside me. I look up and Vince is about half way down. I crouch waiting for the boxcar I see coming. I jump for the ladder just as Vince grabs the back of my pullover and jerks. I feel my hands slipping on the rung of the ladder, then everything goes black.
When I wake up, Tor's sitting by my bed holding my hand, looking like he's just lost his best friend.
"T . . . Tor! What 'c doing here?"
He gives me a quick kiss, squeezes my hand, and yells, "Nurse!"
I don't remember any more, but when I wake up again, he's still sitting there holding my hand.
"Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital, baby. You'll be all right."
"What happened?"
He busts out crying and goes over to the corner and leans against the wall, his face pressed against his arm. The nurse comes in and wipes my face with a cool cloth. It feels good. Then she hands me a pill and some water.
"It's all over, Andy. Get some sleep." She says.
"Tor?"
He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and comes back to me. The nurse tells him to go home and get some sleep, but he growls something at her I don't hear because my eyes are already closing.
The next time I wake up, Tor's in the chair, his head resting on my bed, the hook is slung across the bedtable. My leg's beginning to hurt a little, so I try to sit up so I can rub it, but Tor wakes up and grabs my hand.
"No."
He's never said 'no' like that to me before. "My leg hurts. I was going to rub it."
"I know, babe, but you mustn't." There're tears in his eyes again and it hits me something's really wrong. "What's wrong with me, Tor?"
"I . . . damn it, baby, how can I tell you."
"Tell me what?"
He wipes his eyes and holds out his hand. "I wish this one was cut off, instead."
With him talking like that, I break out in a sweat. "Tell me."
"It … it's your leg. Goddamn Vince!" He yells.
The nurse comes running in. "What's the matter?"
"I told him."
She runs around the other side of the bed and she and Tor push me back when I try to sit up, but I saw enough. I try to wiggle the toes on my right foot, but it hurts so much I cry. That's when I know. I hold out my hand to Tor. He hugs me, holding on. I know there're tears running down my face, too. There's nothing to say, but his being here holding me helps.
After we both calm down, he asks, "What's Vince been doing to you, babe?"
I tell him about the two days with the crutches and how he hit me when I said I wouldn't.
"Why didn't you tell me he was being so rough on you? I didn't mean for you to take that kind of shit."
"It only got that way this weekend, so there wasn't any way I could tell you. What happened?"
"Vince said you were running and fell down the bank under a train. Did he lie?"
"I was trying to get on one of the cars to get away from him and he grabbed my sweatshirt. I don't remember any more, but I guess he pulled me off and that's when it happened."
"I'm going to kill that sonuvabitch." Tor says in a whisper that makes me shiver.
I lay back on the pillow thinking how Vince wanted me to have just one leg, and now he's got it.
"How much I got left?"
"They took it off just a couple of inches below the knee."
He's so upset I try to cheer him up. "Hey, remember that time we both got athletes foot?"
He nods.
"Well if we get it again, I won't have but half as much trouble getting rid of it."
I thought it was kind of funny, but Tor starts crying again. I try to roll over so I can reach him, but it hurts. He jumps up and pushes me back down on the pillow. "Lie still, babe."
I grab his arm. "You get along without your hand, so I guess I can get by with just one leg. Looks like I'm going to need those crutches for real."
Tor's face twists up. I've never seen him so mad before. "Then get new ones, cause I'm going to ram those old ones up his ass for what he's done to you."
I squeeze his hand hard as I can. "Don't get in no trouble, Tor. I need you."
He calms down and kisses me. "You're right, babe. You do need me until you can take care of yourself, but I'm going to get even with Vince, wait and see."
They cut back on the drugs they've been giving me and I start to think clearly again. That's when I find out Tor's been cutting all his classes to stay with me. I raise hell about it. Since this is the university's hospital, I make him go back to classes and come visiting hours. There's a TV in the room and the nurses treat me like a king. Even so, it's after they dim the lights at night and I'm lying there alone that the reality of it all crashes in. That I'm not going to be running or walking about freely any more leaves me crying myself to sleep.
Several of the younger nurses get all gooey-eyed whenever Tor comes to see me and try to hang around my room, but he chases 'em out so we can talk. A few days later, Hilliard starts coming by every morning, making me study. The only one I never see is Vince.
When I ask Tor about him, he growls, "You aren't going to see that sonuvabitch if I can help it."
I push him a little and he tells me he went to Vince's and laid it on him. Vince ain't getting to see me until he, Tor that is, makes up his mind about something. Tor gets so mad talking to me about it, I'll bet Vince nearly died when Tor lit into him. I know Vince knows what's going on, 'cause one morning Hilliard tells me Vince sends his love.
After two weeks, they let me out of the hospital and it ain't a minute too soon. What with nurses popping in all the time, Tor and I haven't had a second alone, not that we'd take a chance like that, so when he hustles me to the apartment he's rented, we hardly wait for the door to slam. He comes near busting my ribs hugging me. Just having my arms around him almost wipes out all that's happened. It's just him and me. He carries me to the sofa-bed and takes off my clothes easy so he won't hurt me, but when he sees the bandage on my stump he backs off.
"What's the matter?"
"I'm afraid I'll hurt you."
I pat the mattress with my left hand. "It'll be all right from this side."
I can tell he's been hurting, too, but he comes on so easy I can't stand it. I try to grab him and hit my stump. When I yell, Tor jumps from the bed. We argue about whose fault it was, but I get him back at last, and if he doesn't know now how much he's been missed, he won't ever. The rest of the afternoon he holds me in his arms and rubs my back.
That night he's so afraid he might roll over and hurt me he's going to sleep on the floor. The apartment is a studio and has only this sofa-bed, but I'm not about to spend another night without his arms around me, hurt or no hurt.
When the weekend comes around, I mention going back to Vince's. Tor looks at me in disgust. "For what? I got most of our stuff and moved it here when I got this place. Besides, you're going to be going to the doctor for check-ups. No way I can cut classes to come get you every time, and I'm sure as hell not going to trust Vince to do it. Unh-unh. We're keeping this apartment."
That's all I can get out of him. It's better with just the two of us anyway. Hilliard comes by the apartment every morning and works with me while Tor's in class.
About the first of April, I'm well. I mean my stump is all healed and it doesn't hurt, unless I hit it hard on the end. With all the practice I got on the crutches, I can get around easily. The hospital gave me the kind that fits around my arm and taught me how to use them. I'm so comfortable on them I don't even think about it any more, but Tor still gets tears in his eyes when we undress at night and he has to massage my stump the way the nurse showed him, then wrap it with an elastic bandage.
One evening in early May the phone rings. Since I'm closer, I answer.
"Oh, my angel, I miss you so much. When is that horrible Greg going to let me see you again?"
"Vince!"
Tor grabs the phone out of my hand. "What do you want, you sonuvabitch? I told you not to call Drew."
He finally calms down while Vince's talking. "Okay, you can come to graduation, I guess. You paid for it. But that's all you're getting." He slams the phone down. "Think you can stand seeing Vince, babe?"
"I guess. Avoiding him ain't going to bring my leg back."
Tor wakes me by tousling my hair. "Going to sleep all day?" His beard scrapes against my chin when he kisses me.
The rest of the weekend it's him and me. Where Tor is, I am. Vince gets his kicks, but far as I'm concerned, he doesn't exist. I really get up-tight when Tor gets his stuff together and heads for his car late Sunday afternoon. I ain't sure I can take five days without him.
"Can't you stay?"
He hugs me tight. "You know I can't, babe. It's only for five days and with you here, I'm not staying a minute longer than I have to. I'll be back before you know it."
I must have looked really down, because Vince comes over when Tor drives off and puts his arm around my shoulders. "I'm glad you and Greg are getting along so well, Andy, but right now his education has to be the most important thing in his life. When he graduates next year he'll be one of the youngest to have ever finished at the university. I'm hoping he'll stay on for his doctorate."
"What's he studying?"
"Marine biology. He will graduate with honors if he keeps up his work, so I hope you won't bother him when he has to study."
"Gosh, no. I wouldn't do anything to hurt Tor . . . ugh, Greg."
Vince ignores my slip. "Since you've decided to stay with us, I think you should begin your studies also. I've talked with the tutor that worked with Greg, and he'll be here tomorrow at nine to give you some tests so he can lay out a course of study for you. You will study with him here, because the schools in this district are terrible."
"Ooooh, shit."
Vince laughs. "Don't start that. Greg was exactly the same, but he got along fine with Hilliard. I think you will, too. Oh, yes, I meant to ask. Have you any hobbies? Greg likes his radio and books, and you should have something to occupy your time when he's away."
"I liked the way you made those pictures the other night. Could you show me how?"
"Photography is an excellent hobby. I'll be delighted to teach you what I know. I'll get you a camera and let you try shooting some film. Once you learn to compose a good picture, I'll teach you darkroom work. I tried to get Greg interested, because photography is important to his field of study, but he said he would leave the picture taking to someone else. If you become good enough, you can be a big help to him. I'm sure he would appreciate it."
The thought of being able to do something for Tor that counts settles it. Photography it'll be and I'll be damn good at it.
While I'm eating breakfast the next morning, John comes in and tells me Professor Hilliard is waiting for me in the study. I'd forgotten all about him. While I'm finishing, all I can see is some old guy about eighty with a squeaky voice and a nasty temper, but there at Vince's desk is a guy who doesn't look much older than Tor. He grins at me and shakes my hand.
"I'm glad to meet you, Andy. Vince has told me a lot about you." I must have looked surprised, because he goes on. "I work for Vince's company. Don't worry about watching what you say, I know Vince is gay. I am, too."
He spreads a bunch of papers in front of me. "Let's get with it. These tests will take about three hours, so get comfortable."
The old-maid teachers I had in grade school were pussy-cats compared with this guy. He leans on me but good. I'm sweating by the time I finish.
He picks up the papers and frowns at me. "You have to know that if I'm going to work with you, you can do a lot more than you think you can and that's what I'll be demanding. You don't have to worry about my touching you. You're a beautiful kid, but I'm faithful to my lover and I don't need chicken. Vince told me you and Greg get along fine, so I'm glad you're here for Greg's sake. He's been very lonely at times and you will be, too, but Vince needs a kid around. I'll grade these tonight and tomorrow we'll get down to work."
I'm in such a sweat, I can't wait for him to leave so I can get to the pool. After I splash around to cool off, I start practicing like Tor showed me. If he's into marine stuff I know I've got to learn to swim good so I can keep up with him.
Vince comes home a couple of hours early and hands me a shopping bag full of boxes. "I couldn't wait, Andy."
When I open the boxes, there's a camera, several different lenses, a flash unit, and lots of other stuff. When he said he'd get me a camera, I expected he would get me one of those little ones.
"Gosh, Vince, I'll never learn to use this."
"Certainly you will. It's just as simple as one of those toys they sell now. This is a professional SLR. As long as you're going to learn, you might as well learn to handle an instrument that will last you many years. This one is precisely the type needed for Greg's work."
Like I never owned anything this good in my life, and hearing it's what I need to help Tor, I put it down and go to Vince.
"No," he says quickly and pulls back.
"I just wanted to thank you," I say, then I remember what Tor told me.
Vince's smile returns. "You may hug me if you wish."
I hug him tight. "Thanks, Vince. I really appreciate all this."
He pats my cheek. "You're a delightfully affectionate child, Andy. He picks up the camera. "Here, I'll show you how to load it and we'll go out and get some shots while there's still plenty of light."
We go out in the yard and I snap away until I've used up a whole roll of film. I didn't want to use it all at once, but Vince laughs at me when I say something. "There's plenty in my darkroom. I'll load several cartridges tonight and you can take more pictures tomorrow. We'll see how you did tomorrow night when I have time to develop the film."
I go up to bed early and spend some time trying to understand the books that came with the camera and stuff. When Vince comes in he answers the questions I have and shows me some things with the camera, then kisses me good night.
For some reason I wake up earlier than usual and can't go back to sleep, so I dress and go outside. There's a big spider web in one of the rose bushes all covered with dew, so I switch lenses like Vince showed me and get some shots of it.
Vince is at the table when I come in. When I tell him why I'm late to breakfast, he grins. "Good boy. But don't forget your lessons with Hilliard."
I can tell Hilliard loves teaching from the way he lays it on me. Before the four hours are up, my head's swimming like it did the time the old lady forced some of her cheap booze down me. I ain't sure I can do all the stuff he leaves me for homework. After lunch and a swim, I spend the afternoon working on it. When I see it's time for dinner, I go down.
After we eat, Vince takes me down to the darkroom. He explains what he's doing each step of the way. When he finally turns on the lights so I can see the film, I can't see anything but a blurry strip, but Vince looks happy. "I think you've gotten several good shots, Andy."
"How can you tell? I can't see much of nothing."
"This is the negative. I'll run a proof sheet so we can see if you've anything worth printing." He turns off the light and gets to work. This time they look like pictures to me, but they're so small I have to look at them through a magnifying glass. Vince points to one. "This looks quite good." He sets the negative in a frame and starts the enlarger. When he takes the print from the drier there's the spiderweb so real I can almost touch it and the dew drops have a sparkle I didn't even see when I took the shot.
"Is it any good?"
"Excellent for a beginner. I had to crop it a little for balance, but the focus is right and you really saw it as a picture. You have a natural eye for photography." He puts his hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Andy. Keep working and later I'll teach you how to develop your own film."
I'm happy I did something to please him, 'cause I looked in his photography magazines and I can't believe what that camera and other stuff cost. It's more than my old man made in a couple of months.
When I go up to bed, I figure Vince ain't going to do more than kiss me, but he comes in as I'm about to undress. He tosses me a pair of jeans and tells me to try them on. They fit looser than I like, but Vince tells me they're perfect. When I slip them off, he pushes me down on the bed, rolls me over on my belly, then grabs my right foot and pushes it up behind me until it's touching my butt. "Does that hurt, Andy?"
"Naw. I'm real limber."
"Good." He pulls the jeans up my left leg. When I start to straighten out my right leg, he says, "No. Leave it." Damn if he doesn't pull the jeans on up with my right leg still folded up in 'em and zips up the fly. He puts a wide leather belt in the loops and stands me up on my left foot, handing me a pair of crutches I hadn't noticed. I just stand there. I mean I never broke my leg or anything, so I don't know what to do. It's weird. Vince stoops down and folds up the empty part of the jeans leg, pinning it in place.
"You're even more beautiful with one leg than I imagined, Andy. Come here, my precious."
I hobble over best as I can and stand in front of him while he gets his kicks. When it's over, he asks me, "Does it bother you to stand like that?"
It makes me feel stupid as hell, but I shake my head.
"I'm glad. You're so beautiful that way." He gives me a kiss and leaves me to undress.
I guess I'm going to be standing in for Tor when he ain't here, but as long as it don't get any worse than this, I can go along with Vince, 'cause I miss Tor, too.
I play around with the crutches the next afternoon while I'm studying. By dinner time I could get around on them fine. I wish my schoolwork was as easy.
I'm about ready to put on the jeans when Vince comes in and stops me, and tapes my foot flat against my butt. I pull on the jeans and swing across the room on the crutches real easy.
Vince gives me a big smile. "I knew you wouldn't let me down, Andy. Walk around some more."
I make the length of the room a couple of times before he stops me. His eyes have gotten that glazed look. I stand in front of him while he pulls my jeans down. It hurts a little when he pulls my leg up, because he's got my foot taped so tight, but his eyes are closed and he's running his hands up and down my leg. I take the hint and hold it out while he strokes it and gets his jollies.
When it's over, Vince pulls up my jeans and gives me a big smile. "Thank you for being so eager to please, Andy. You really are a sweet child." He kisses me. "Did I hurt you?"
"Only when you pulled my leg up."
"I'm sorry." He touches my cheek and goes down the hall.
Monday's homework for Hilliard be damned! I'm waiting when Tor pulls up in the drive Friday afternoon.
"Baby!" He grabs me, almost busting my back he hugs me so tight. He carries me up to our room and it ain't a minute before we're undressed and he's in my arms. It's good to be held and loved after playing Vince's games all week. The ache disappears like magic. I lay in his arms completely happy and about asleep when Tor runs his fingers through my hair.
"We've got to dress, babe. Vince will be home pretty soon."
"Screw Vince. I just want you to hold me."
"That's what I want, too, but we've got to eat."
We almost don't get through dinner what with Vince chatting away and showing Tor the pictures I took. He hands him the one of the spider web last.
Tor looks at me. "You really took this, Andy?"
I nod.
"Didn't he do an excellent job, Greg? I think he has the makings of an expert. He certainly has an eye for seeing things and he's trying very hard to learn so he can help you."
"I just hope I can get good enough."
Tor comes around the table, grabs me up in a hug, and kisses me. "You really are beautiful, babe."
I cut my eyes at Vince 'cause I ain't sure how he's going to take this, but he's smiling, happy as can be.
"I kept telling you he was perfect, Greg. Do you believe me now?"
Tor winks at me. "He's beautiful in more ways than one."
When we go upstairs, Vince makes Tor wait outside our room. "Andy and I have a surprise. We'll only be a minute."
He tapes my foot up and I get dressed in the jeans. When I'm standing in the middle of the floor, he calls Tor in.
I don't believe the look on Tors' face. He runs to me and knocks the crutches down, holding me in his arms while he runs his hand down my leg.
"You son of a bitch!" He screams at Vince. "Have you hurt Drew?"
Vince turns pale. "No, Greg, honest."
"Hey," I put my hand on Tor's arm, "I'm okay. It's just pretend."
Tor lets out his breath and hands me the crutches. "I'm sorry, Vince. It was just seeing Andy like this kind of reminded me of my arm, I guess."
Vince gets between us with his arms around our shoulders. "How could I hurt such a beautiful boy as Andy. But without you, Greg, I almost go mad, and Andy's so lovely. You don't really mind, do you?"
"Not as long as he's willing to go along, but I don't like it. I'm warning you, Vince, if you hurt him, you'll have me to answer to."
With both of us there to turn him on, Vince is beside himself. Tor doesn't wait. He picks me up and carries me to the bed, then lays down beside me. He touches me with the end of his arm, a long caress. I can see why it makes Vince go out of his mind.
As Vince is leaving, he kisses Tor and me. "You two constantly amaze me. I wouldn't have thought anything could be so beautiful as the way you love each other."
Tor rubs my leg. "You sure you don't mind, babe?"
"Not particular. I mean I feel stupid, but it makes Vince happy and you saw the swell camera he bought me. I guess I owe him a little fun."
"You're really sweet." He hands me the crutches. "Walk across the room."
I would of crawled if he'd asked me. I take a few swings across the room and back to the bed where Tor's sitting.
"You're unbelievable."
"Why?"
"You do it so easy. There's a guy down the hall from me at school who's used crutches for years and he's not smooth as you." He pulls me down beside him. "Come here."
It time for me to get what I've wanted, so I pull back. "Put your arm back on."
"Come on, Drew. I'm tired."
"I'm not kidding. Put it on."
He gives me a little smile as he reaches for it and I memorize each step, but Tor likes to tease. Before I know what he's doing, he's grabbed my finger in the hook. I let out a yelp of surprise and pain.
"Come on, babe, I can't hold it like this too long. If I let go, it'll really hurt."
I suck on my aching finger and ask, "What makes it work?"
He puts a finger on a wide black band at the base of the hook. "This rubber band. I open it by moving my right shoulder a little." The hook opens, then closes with a snap.
I put my hands on the harness and work on the first buckle, reversing the way he put it on, then ease his arm from the socket. It's red from chaffing, so I get the tube of medicated cream he uses and massage it.
"From now on, I'll do this when you're home. I like doing things for you."
When we're ready for a shower, Tor rips the tape from my foot, but he stops when I ask him for the crutches. "I need 'em, Tor. It takes a while for my leg to get straightened out."
I feel myself being lifted. "Not when I'm here. Gives me another excuse to hold you."
Most of the weekend we spend studying. Tor's working on another research paper and Hilliard's come down on me. Tor stops his work once in a while to help me when I get stuck. Math's always been hard for me, but Hilliard makes it almost interesting. Tor doesn't let up on me either, but finally he calls a break and rings for John to bring up Cokes for us. He starts to read but lets the book drop. When I look up, he's staring at me, tapping his pencil against the desk.
"What's the matter?"
Instead of answering, he gets up and comes around the desk. He pulls me up, looking into my eyes. "Drew," he whispers and pulls me against his bare chest, holding me tightly. I can feel the end of his arm pressing under my shoulder blades. He buries his face in my hair. My arms go around him. When he kisses me, its' softer, gentler than it's ever been.
"See? See how it is with me?"
All I know is the love pouring over me from a guy I first thought was interested only in himself, love more intense than I've ever known. I snuggle closer. It feels so good to know somebody wants you even when you haven't got anything to offer them.
I don't mind seeing him drive away so much this time. All the studying I've got to put in and taking pictures whenever I get a moment free doesn't leave me much time to get lonely, 'cept at night. I lie there after Vince has gone wondering what Tor's doing and wishing he was beside me.
Tuesday night Vince lets me develop my first roll of film. At least I do it while he tells me what to do. When I hold up the contact prints to get a look, I feel like I've really done something. It's going to be a while before I can work alone because it's more complicated than I thought, but all the stuff Vince has makes it a lot easier.
Things settle down to a routine with Tor coming home every weekend and Hilliard working my tail off. Once or twice when Tor has to stay at school on the weekend, Vince takes long walks with me, working with his camera while I work with mine. After New Year's he gives me a key to the darkroom and lets me work alone. It's not too long before he stops criticizing my work and starts comparing it to his own. He always bitches when we go out together and I get a shot that's better than his.
I thought Tor and me would be together for the summer, but Tor's signed up for summer classes while I continue on with Hilliard. We do get a couple of weeks together at Vince's cabin in the mountains at the end of summer, but they pass so fast it's hard to believe it happened.
Even though it's only his third year, Tor's now a senior. He spends even more time on his studies, but always leaves time for me. During Christmas break we have a good time together, but Tor tells me that what he's really looking forward to most is that when the weather warms up a little in spring he'll be taking trips down the coast on the university's research vessel.
Though Hilliard keeps me busy, I find out what Tor meant when he said it got lonely. To make it worse, Vince misses Tor, too, and this makes him demanding of me. When Tor's home for a weekend and I tell him about it, he takes Vince aside for a talk. But I've about had it.
After we're in bed I tell Tor I'm ready to split. He's unhappy, and thinking of how I'll miss him, I shed a few tears.
"Don't cry, baby. Except for finishing school, you're the only thing keeping me here. I used to lie to Vince and stay at school on weekends so I wouldn't have to come back, but that was before you. Try to stick it out for me. I can't take you in the dorm and I'm not giving you up. When I graduate, we'll split, just the two of us. I'll get a job and you can go to college."
There's nothing I wouldn't do for Tor and I figure I can take most anything Vince can dish out as long as I've got Tor. If it gets too rough, I'll tell Tor first so he can find me wherever I go.
Things stay pretty much as usual until about the first of March. Tor's been out on the research vessel for over two weeks and will be home on Tuesday, but the weekend before he's due in, Vince goes bananas. I'm wondering what's up when I hear him tell John that after dinner Thursday night he and all the other servants can take a long weekend; that we're going out of town.
When I come down Friday morning for breakfast, Vince is sitting at the kitchen table wearing slacks and a pullover. He grins at me. "After breakfast, we're going hiking in the woods so you can try some close-up shots of plants. There are a few early ones coming into bloom."
That's okay with me until after we've eaten and Vince tells me to get ready. One look at his eyes tells me this ain't goin' to be a fun day. He follows me up to my room and throws me the jeans, one of my hiking boots, and a pullover. I figure if that's the game it ain't gonna be much of a hike, so I don't complain.
It turns out the woods he has in mind are on the far side of his property where I've never been before. He makes me walk every step of the way and there ain't much of the woods we don't cover. My ass is dragging by the time we get back to house almost three hours later and I'm ready to get both feet on the floor, but Vince ain't having it. He stops in the kitchen to pick up a plate of sandwiches and we go down to the darkroom. My leg's stopped hurting, but my arms are plenty sore from the crutches. We eat while the film is developing and then he makes me spend another couple of hours printing the best shots. By the time we're done, I can't feel anything in my leg; it's as dead as the wood in the crutches. When he lets me go, it's all I can do to make it up the stairs. I get to the tub and fill it with water hot as I can stand, but it's over half an hour before I can straighten out my leg. Then it hurts so bad I almost wish it really was cut off. I guess Vince figured out I hurt, because he brings me a glass of water and a couple of pills.
The next morning somebody's shaking me awake. For a moment I think it's Tor, but it's Vince. Before I can move, he has my leg taped up again and tells me to get dressed. I can see it's going to be like yesterday and I don't want another of those king-sized cramps.
"Aw, come on, Vince. It ain't . . . "
He pops me up side the head. I see stars. For a minute there I draw back a fist, but I hear Tor saying: 'Be careful, babe,' so I drop my hand and start to dress.
Vince doesn't once let up the whole day. We must have walked three times what we did yesterday and it's dinner time by the time all the film's developed. But it ain't over. After we eat, Vince drags me back to the darkroom and makes me do the printing and enlargements. After I fall a couple of times from being so tired, Vince lets me go.
This time even an hour in the whirlpool in the hottest water I can take doesn't help. I have to use the crutches to get from the bath to the bed. Then my leg begins to hurt. It comes on slow, but then the pain gets so bad I begin to cry. Vince must have heard me, because he gives me a capsule that knocks me out.
When I wake up, it's late. My leg still hurts some, but it's not more than I can take. Vince is still at the table when I go down. "You're doing so well, Andy, I thought we might just loaf around and maybe take a swim. I set the heater up on the pool."
He sets a plate of waffles in front of me and I dig in. I love 'em light brown and crisp, but I'm watching Vince.
"Haven't you forgotten something, Andy?"
The way he says it, I forget everything except I'm not going to play his stupid games any more. "No!"
"What?" Vince yells.
"No. I'll do anything you want, but you can forget those fucking crutches."
His eyes flash fire and before I can move he lets me have it side of the head again. I hit the floor, but he grabs my arm and jerks me up. "You'll do what you're told."
"The hell I will!" I twist away and run for the door.
I know the gates are closed so I head for the cut down to the train tracks at the back of the house. I can hear Vince running behind me. I stumble on a root and he almost has me before I can get my balance and run on. Every once in a while I hear him yelling, "Damn you, Andy, come back here. Damn it, Andy!"
When I get to the cut, I almost panic. I've misjudged and the worn down place is a couple of hundred yard to my right. I make a run for it. As I start to climb down I feel Vince grab the collar of my shirt, but I jerk away and slide the rest of the way. There's a freight train coming. It's not moving too fast, so if I can grab a ladder on one of the boxcars, I can get away. My feet slip again and I fall at the edge of the track. A small rock bounces down beside me. I look up and Vince is about half way down. I crouch waiting for the boxcar I see coming. I jump for the ladder just as Vince grabs the back of my pullover and jerks. I feel my hands slipping on the rung of the ladder, then everything goes black.
When I wake up, Tor's sitting by my bed holding my hand, looking like he's just lost his best friend.
"T . . . Tor! What 'c doing here?"
He gives me a quick kiss, squeezes my hand, and yells, "Nurse!"
I don't remember any more, but when I wake up again, he's still sitting there holding my hand.
"Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital, baby. You'll be all right."
"What happened?"
He busts out crying and goes over to the corner and leans against the wall, his face pressed against his arm. The nurse comes in and wipes my face with a cool cloth. It feels good. Then she hands me a pill and some water.
"It's all over, Andy. Get some sleep." She says.
"Tor?"
He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and comes back to me. The nurse tells him to go home and get some sleep, but he growls something at her I don't hear because my eyes are already closing.
The next time I wake up, Tor's in the chair, his head resting on my bed, the hook is slung across the bedtable. My leg's beginning to hurt a little, so I try to sit up so I can rub it, but Tor wakes up and grabs my hand.
"No."
He's never said 'no' like that to me before. "My leg hurts. I was going to rub it."
"I know, babe, but you mustn't." There're tears in his eyes again and it hits me something's really wrong. "What's wrong with me, Tor?"
"I . . . damn it, baby, how can I tell you."
"Tell me what?"
He wipes his eyes and holds out his hand. "I wish this one was cut off, instead."
With him talking like that, I break out in a sweat. "Tell me."
"It … it's your leg. Goddamn Vince!" He yells.
The nurse comes running in. "What's the matter?"
"I told him."
She runs around the other side of the bed and she and Tor push me back when I try to sit up, but I saw enough. I try to wiggle the toes on my right foot, but it hurts so much I cry. That's when I know. I hold out my hand to Tor. He hugs me, holding on. I know there're tears running down my face, too. There's nothing to say, but his being here holding me helps.
After we both calm down, he asks, "What's Vince been doing to you, babe?"
I tell him about the two days with the crutches and how he hit me when I said I wouldn't.
"Why didn't you tell me he was being so rough on you? I didn't mean for you to take that kind of shit."
"It only got that way this weekend, so there wasn't any way I could tell you. What happened?"
"Vince said you were running and fell down the bank under a train. Did he lie?"
"I was trying to get on one of the cars to get away from him and he grabbed my sweatshirt. I don't remember any more, but I guess he pulled me off and that's when it happened."
"I'm going to kill that sonuvabitch." Tor says in a whisper that makes me shiver.
I lay back on the pillow thinking how Vince wanted me to have just one leg, and now he's got it.
"How much I got left?"
"They took it off just a couple of inches below the knee."
He's so upset I try to cheer him up. "Hey, remember that time we both got athletes foot?"
He nods.
"Well if we get it again, I won't have but half as much trouble getting rid of it."
I thought it was kind of funny, but Tor starts crying again. I try to roll over so I can reach him, but it hurts. He jumps up and pushes me back down on the pillow. "Lie still, babe."
I grab his arm. "You get along without your hand, so I guess I can get by with just one leg. Looks like I'm going to need those crutches for real."
Tor's face twists up. I've never seen him so mad before. "Then get new ones, cause I'm going to ram those old ones up his ass for what he's done to you."
I squeeze his hand hard as I can. "Don't get in no trouble, Tor. I need you."
He calms down and kisses me. "You're right, babe. You do need me until you can take care of yourself, but I'm going to get even with Vince, wait and see."
They cut back on the drugs they've been giving me and I start to think clearly again. That's when I find out Tor's been cutting all his classes to stay with me. I raise hell about it. Since this is the university's hospital, I make him go back to classes and come visiting hours. There's a TV in the room and the nurses treat me like a king. Even so, it's after they dim the lights at night and I'm lying there alone that the reality of it all crashes in. That I'm not going to be running or walking about freely any more leaves me crying myself to sleep.
Several of the younger nurses get all gooey-eyed whenever Tor comes to see me and try to hang around my room, but he chases 'em out so we can talk. A few days later, Hilliard starts coming by every morning, making me study. The only one I never see is Vince.
When I ask Tor about him, he growls, "You aren't going to see that sonuvabitch if I can help it."
I push him a little and he tells me he went to Vince's and laid it on him. Vince ain't getting to see me until he, Tor that is, makes up his mind about something. Tor gets so mad talking to me about it, I'll bet Vince nearly died when Tor lit into him. I know Vince knows what's going on, 'cause one morning Hilliard tells me Vince sends his love.
After two weeks, they let me out of the hospital and it ain't a minute too soon. What with nurses popping in all the time, Tor and I haven't had a second alone, not that we'd take a chance like that, so when he hustles me to the apartment he's rented, we hardly wait for the door to slam. He comes near busting my ribs hugging me. Just having my arms around him almost wipes out all that's happened. It's just him and me. He carries me to the sofa-bed and takes off my clothes easy so he won't hurt me, but when he sees the bandage on my stump he backs off.
"What's the matter?"
"I'm afraid I'll hurt you."
I pat the mattress with my left hand. "It'll be all right from this side."
I can tell he's been hurting, too, but he comes on so easy I can't stand it. I try to grab him and hit my stump. When I yell, Tor jumps from the bed. We argue about whose fault it was, but I get him back at last, and if he doesn't know now how much he's been missed, he won't ever. The rest of the afternoon he holds me in his arms and rubs my back.
That night he's so afraid he might roll over and hurt me he's going to sleep on the floor. The apartment is a studio and has only this sofa-bed, but I'm not about to spend another night without his arms around me, hurt or no hurt.
When the weekend comes around, I mention going back to Vince's. Tor looks at me in disgust. "For what? I got most of our stuff and moved it here when I got this place. Besides, you're going to be going to the doctor for check-ups. No way I can cut classes to come get you every time, and I'm sure as hell not going to trust Vince to do it. Unh-unh. We're keeping this apartment."
That's all I can get out of him. It's better with just the two of us anyway. Hilliard comes by the apartment every morning and works with me while Tor's in class.
About the first of April, I'm well. I mean my stump is all healed and it doesn't hurt, unless I hit it hard on the end. With all the practice I got on the crutches, I can get around easily. The hospital gave me the kind that fits around my arm and taught me how to use them. I'm so comfortable on them I don't even think about it any more, but Tor still gets tears in his eyes when we undress at night and he has to massage my stump the way the nurse showed him, then wrap it with an elastic bandage.
One evening in early May the phone rings. Since I'm closer, I answer.
"Oh, my angel, I miss you so much. When is that horrible Greg going to let me see you again?"
"Vince!"
Tor grabs the phone out of my hand. "What do you want, you sonuvabitch? I told you not to call Drew."
He finally calms down while Vince's talking. "Okay, you can come to graduation, I guess. You paid for it. But that's all you're getting." He slams the phone down. "Think you can stand seeing Vince, babe?"
"I guess. Avoiding him ain't going to bring my leg back."