Vince is already at the table when we go down for breakfast. Greg leads me to the sideboard and we fill our plates.
Vince folds the paper and looks at me once I've sat down. "Did you sleep well, Andy?"
I nod.
"Good. Is there anything you might like to do to amuse yourself today?"
I think for a minute. Like all I had when I was living at home was playing ball in the vacant lot, or, if it was real hot, the city sometimes opened up a fireplug and let us kids get wet. I can swim a little cause of Ted and Doug taking me to the pool and teaching me enough so I ain't afraid of water.
"Swim," I answer.
"Fine. What about it, Greg?"
"I'll take him a little later, I've got some notes to get done sometime today."
Vince gets up and pats me on the head like I'm his pet dog. "I have to go. You have a nice day."
After he's gone, I tell Greg, "Hey, if you got somethin' to do, go ahead. It don't make no difference to me. I can find somethin'."
He smiles. "Thanks. Let me get my work done this morning and we'll take that swim this afternoon."
Greg heads upstairs to his room, so I go outside and wander about the place for a once over. It's big. I walked most of the way around the fenced-in yard. Like I guessed, the gates are closed and they don't give an inch when I pull on 'em. I get a funny feeling like I'm a prisoner here, so I hunt for a way out. Way out back of the house there's a deep cut where the train tracks are and there's no fence. The sides of the cut are so steep, I guess Vince figured nobody could climb up, but I can just make out what looks almost like a little path where the bank's worn down. I can tell it ain't, but knowing it's there makes me feel better.
I work my way back to the house. Now, I can see it's like a big two and a half storey 'U' with the center part closed in by glass. When I look in, all I can see is a lot of plants, some big and small trees. It's like a garden which makes me wonder why anybody would want that when there's so much yard outside.
It's getting hot, so I go back in where the air-conditioning makes it nice and start to look for a beer, but about time I get to the bar, John comes out of nowhere. "Can I get you something?"
"A beer."
"If I may, it would be better for you to wait for Dr. Malloy. However, I'll be happy to fix something else for you. Perhaps a Coke?"
"Okay."
He goes behind the bar and gets me a big Coke, icy from the cooler. "If you should wish something else, just ring."
I find some photography magazines and settle down in one of those big chairs.
Next thing I know, John's calling me to lunch. Greg's already at the table on the patio. He looks tired, but he smiles at me. "Wish I had time to sleep."
"Why don't you?"
"I told you last night I was in college. This is just a short break, but I've got plenty of work to do."
"Did you get it done?"
"Yeah. Now we can take that swim after we eat."
I'll give John one thing, just because Vince ain't home don't mean they let up on the cooking. Everything's just great, but I still want a beer. When I ask Greg, he shakes his head. "What are you, about ten?"
"Hell, no. I'm almost fifteen."
"There's plenty, but you're a little young. There's no need to ask John because he won't give it to you."
"Yeah, I found out."
After we eat and Greg gets a nap, he takes me to the back of the hall. He opens a door and we're in the garden room. Greg opens another door and pushes me in a small room. He starts taking off his clothes and nods at me.
"How come?"
"You want to swim, don't you? Don't worry about trunks, we don't wear 'em, but if you're going to do any diving, there're some supporters in that cabinet."
Since he puts one on, so do I. I ain't crazy 'bout running around buck naked. There's stepping stones through the plants and then I see the pool. 'Cept for the glass overhead, it's just like a pond in the woods.
In spite of his missing hand, Greg hits the water and swims the length of the pool easily. I find the shallow end and splash around some until Greg swims over and shows me how I should be doing it, holding me up 'til I get my arms and legs working together. He gets me a paddleboard and tells me to practice my kicking, then goes to the board and starts diving. When I get tired, I climb out and lay on the soft moss that grows to the edge of the water watching him until he comes back and makes me practice some more.
We're still splashing around when Vince comes in and sits on a big rock watching us. Finally he tells us to get ready for dinner. Greg gets a couple of big towels and tosses me one.
"Wish I could swim good as you," I tell him while I dry his back.
"You should be able to do even better. I'll teach you if you want."
Vince and Greg don't talk while we're eating, so I don't, either. We've about finished when Vince looks at me. "Have you come to a conclusion yet, Andy?"
"'Bout what?"
"Staying here, of course."
I look at Greg and he nods. "I guess I can stick around for a while."
Vince gives me a big smile. "That's wonderful, Andy. I'm sure you'll like it once you get used to things and feel at home. Would you like a room of your own?"
"Let him stay with me," Greg says before I can answer, "at least until he's certain about things."
"Good. If you decide later that you want your own room, John will arrange it. Oh, yes, Greg, since you have tomorrow open, why don't you take Andy into town and find something suitable for him to wear. You know where to go."
"Okay, Vince."
The next morning Greg dresses up and while we're at breakfast, he winks at me. "Hurry up, babe, we've got a full morning ahead of us."
When we go out the door, there's a dark blue Triumph sports car sitting in the drive. I can't hardly believe it when Greg tells me Vince had it restored and gave it to him when he started college because he'd always wanted one. We get in and take off. The top's down and sitting there beside Greg with the sun coming down and the wind whipping my hair is the most wonderful feeling of freedom in the world. I wish it could go on forever.
Once Greg slows down because of the traffic, he says, "I'm glad you decided to stay, Andy. I get lonesome at times. It hasn't been as bad since I've been in college, but I can't make any close friends or bring anyone to the house. You'll get lonesome, too, but I'll be back every weekend I can. We'll do things together."
"I didn't figure you'd want me around."
"Why not?"
"'Cause you got a good thing goin' and you don't want me busting it up."
"Never happen. Look, whatever I say in the stores, you go along with. Okay?"
"Sure."
First stop is a barber shop. The head barber gives Greg a big smile. "Good morning, Mr. Gregory."
"Hi, Phil. This is my cousin Andrew. He's going to be staying with us for a while. Give him the works."
"Good morning, Mr. Andrew. I hope you're going to enjoy your visit."
From the barber shop we go to a bunch of stores. I see lots of things I like, but Greg doesn't give me much choice, something's either right or it's not. When I gripe, he says, "Look, you don't want cheap stuff, it won't last. Besides, Vince doesn't like splashy colors. When we get it all together you'll see."
We get back to the house just in time for lunch, and after we've eaten I spread out all the stuff Greg bought for me. Man, I'll bet there's enough to last a month without repeating and all Greg did was sign the sales slips. I figure Vince is going to be hot about how much he spent. Greg laughs when I tell him.
"Look, Vince is an industrial chemist and a damn good one. He's got enough coming in from patents that he doesn't have to work if he doesn't want to. He won't even miss the money."
"Oh. When John called him Dr. Malloy I thought he was a real doctor."
"He is, but in chemistry, not medicine. Let's put your stuff away."
He helps me, then we go down for a swim. Greg makes me practice 'til I'm about ready to sink. When he tries to teach you something, he goes all out and you got to give it all you've got, too.
I never felt so good in my life when we dressed for dinner. I mean how often do you get clothes that feel so good you don't even know you got 'em on? That's the way I feel, and I ain't never felt anything soft as the sweater I've got on. Greg tells me it's cashmere.
When Vince comes in, he kisses Greg and takes a long time looking at me. "It can't be!" He says like I'm not the same kid as before. "Greg, you did wonders with him. He's positively an angel."
Greg stands there grinning while Vince leans over and kisses me on the forehead.
Whatever Greg did, it must have been right, 'cause Vince stares at me all through dinner. Soon as we get up from the table, he brings out a camera and starts taking pictures of me. When he runs out of film, we follow him down to the basement where he's got a darkroom and watch him develop the film. He doesn't stop until he's picked out a couple of shots and made enlargements.
Back upstairs, he turns up the lights and hands the pictures to me. I hadn't paid much attention, but there I am in living color. Damn! With my hair cut short but kind of shaggy, and the clothes Greg picked out for me, I look like I really am ten or eleven.
"I don't like 'em," I tell Vince.
He looks shocked. "Why not?"
"I look like a damn kid."
"Well, you are. Besides, beauty is so fleeting and you are beautiful, you know. Let me enjoy you as you are now without wishing you looked older. That will come all too quickly." He reaches over and takes a picture from the table behind him. "Look at this shot I made of Greg when he first came to me and look at him now."
In the picture Greg looks a lot like I do now, but when I look at him standing there in person I can see he's grown a lot. His jaw has gotten square and firm, little lines are forming at his eyes and mouth from smiling so much, but his eyes have gotten hard, not soft and trusting like they are in the picture. He looks like a real man, although a pretty one.
"I like his looks better now."
"Yes, I suppose you would," Vince says, "he's still my beautiful Greg but the innocence is gone. I know it's my fault," he reaches over and pats Greg on the shoulder, "but I still love you."
We walk up the stairs together. When Greg and I stop at our door, Vince gives Greg a look and says, "Tonight?"
"Might as well. If he stays he's going to find out, so it might as well be now."
When Vince goes on down the hall to his room, Greg pushes me into our room and starts to undress. I figure he's going to bed, so I start to undress, too, but he sits down on the little sofa with nothing on. I start to ask him why, but Vince comes in and sits down beside Greg.
When Vince takes off his robe I'm surprised that anybody old as he is is lean and hard as Greg and me. Hell, I figured that anybody over thirty is over the hill, all flab, but the muscles Vince shows are something else.
I guess there's all kinds of hang-ups, but Vince pulls Greg's head down on his shoulder and kisses him. Then he takes the end of Greg's arm in his hands and begins to stroke it, crooning, "My poor baby, my poor baby," all the while getting hard.
Greg reaches down and begins to stroke it gently with the end of his arm. Watching them doing what my old man used to warn me about is so erotic I get hard despite myself. I won't go any further with intimate details, but you get the idea. A few minutes later Vince beckons me over. He hugs me, gives me a kiss, and begins to rub my back.
I look over my shoulder at Greg and he's holding out his arms to me. I don't know why, but all of a sudden I'm lonely as hell. When I was a kid and I got upset about something, my old man would hold me and rub my back like Vince just did. I guess that was it, and seeing Greg holding out his one good arm and what's left of the other, it all hits me at once. I run to him crying like a baby. He pulls me down on his lap and puts his handless arm across my chest, holding me. When I lay my head on his shoulder, he strokes my hair with that big hand of his.
"Let it out, baby, don't try to hold it back any longer," he says softly.
I stop crying 'cause Greg's made me feel a lot better and I know he cares for me at least a little. But damn if Vince doesn't find that erotic, too. I see tears in his eyes.
"I never saw anything so sweet," he says. "You will stay, won't you, Andy?"
When I snuggle back against Greg and give him a nod, he puts on his robe and leaves.
Greg and I get a shower and into bed, but I can't go to sleep for trying to figure things out. Finally it gets too much. I crawl out of bed and go sit on the side of Greg's.
"Greg?"
"Yeah?"
"Is that all ever goes on?"
"What'cha mean?"
"I mean with you and Vince."
He sits up and turns on the lamp over his bed. "I've been here over four years now and I swear that's all that ever happens. Like I told you, he likes pretty things and that includes boys, but he only gets his kicks from amputees. You're cute as hell, but I can't figure Vince bothering you. He probably just wants you for your looks."
He gives me a serious look. "Do me a favor, will you, Andy? Don't call me Greg. I hate my name."
"What you want me to call you?"
"Tor."
"If you'll call me Drew. I like it and nobody ever calls me that."
Greg gives me a big grin. "Deal, but only when Vince isn't around. He doesn't go in for nicknames."
"I'm sorry I cried, Tor. I guess it all got to me at once. Forget it, hunh?"
"It's okay, babe. I know you were up tight about seeing us and all. You're still a virgin, aren't you?"
I blush like a ten-year old and it tells Greg what he wants to know, 'cause he says, "Don't sweat it. Unless Vince changes a lot you're safe."
I feel better around Greg. He's like a big brother. I get back in bed and go to sleep right off.
The next night is a repeat of the same thing, but this time I see when Vince gets strung out his eyes sort of glaze over and you can't get through to him. Tor tries one time, but Vince doesn't respond. When it's over, Vince kisses Tor, fondles me a little, then kisses me and leaves.
"Don't he ever want more from you?" I ask Tor.
He gives me a searching look. "He frustrates hell out of me. He gets his kicks like you saw, then leaves me hurting. But if I touched him, there'd be trouble. When I first came here, he'd play with me like he did you. I figured it was what he wanted, so I kind of shoved it at him. I've been hit in my life, but never like that. Next thing I knew I was flat on the floor, my head swimming, and he was standing over me calling me every name in the book. He kicked me in the tail and left."
"How come didn't you leave?"
"I was going to, but Vince locked the door and it's too far down to jump from the window. Next morning he let me out like nothing happened and never mentioned it again. He doesn't remember a thing he does when he's playing around. If he wants you while I'm gone, just go along and let him make all the moves. It'll be okay, because what you've seen is all he ever does.
I can see Tor does what Vince wants him to, but the way I take to Tor, it's more like being with my old man. I know Tor won't let anything happen to me. That's why, except for those first few days after my old man kicked off, I never felt so alone in my life as I do watching Tor drive off to school the next morning. I know it's only for three days, but with Vince at work and John letting me know he ain't got time to gab, I'm all alone in that big house with nothing to do. I get bored quick watching TV, so I mess around some with Tor's short-wave radio. I tried looking at some of his books, but I can't even read the words in 'em, let alone understand what they say. It comes to me that I ain't even asked him where he's in school or what he's studying.
I guess Vince understands how I feel, 'cause the next two nights he never touches me. Just a quick kiss at bedtime and that's it.
Friday afternoon I'm like a dog with tacks in his tail. All I can think about is Tor's coming home most any time. The minute I hear his Triumph in the drive I'm out the door.
Tor jumps out and grabs me, swinging me around. "How'd it go? God, it's good to see you, Drew."
I hug him tight. He sets me down and gives me the once over. "Now that's the way I like to be welcomed home. Let's get in the pool, it was hot on the highway."
After a few minutes of swimming, Tor makes me start serious practice. I must have been doing okay, because he's looking pleased about time for dinner.
"You learn fast, Drew. Keep going the way you are and you'll beat me at my own sport." His saying something like that makes me feel good all over.
That night Vince is beside himself. He stands there with Tor on one side and me on the other, his arms around both of us, hugging us close. "How could I be so lucky as to have two such beautiful creatures as you here."
One thing I learned in that foster home was to keep my mouth shut, so I don't say nothing. Tor knows what Vince wants, so he sits in the chair and holds out his arms to me. I sit on his lap and he puts his arms around me. Vince pulls up the ottoman and sits on it just looking at us. He starts playing around with me, but Tor pushes me away and Vince transfers his attention to him. That's it. Vince kisses both of us and walks out, leaving me hurting.
I reach down to get some relief, but Tor grabs my wrist. "Wait a minute, baby." He picks me up and carries me to his bed. He lays down beside me and takes me in his arms. "Vince shouldn't have done that to you. It hurts, doesn't it?"
"I'm about to go off my rocker."
"I'm here, baby," Tor says and wraps that big hand of his around me.
It's kind of funny, because I'd of busted anybody who tried to grab me back then, but Tor's different. Maybe it's because he isn't much older than me, or the way I feel about him, but I don't mind him touching me.
He must have wondered because he says, "Want me to, baby?"
Even having him call me baby is good. Before I think about it, I kiss him. I mean it's the first time I ever kissed a guy, 'cept my old man when I was a kid.
He eases around and takes me in his mouth. I never thought it would be so good with another guy. I reach down to pull him back so's I can hug him, but it's my luck I'd get the stump. Tor makes a tiny noise and I turn him loose fast. I was curious 'bout how it got cut off and how it feels, but I'm not about to ask him anything might make him unhappy.
He turns around fast and kisses me. "Why'd you let go my arm?"
"I figured I was hurting you."
He smiles and squeezes my arm easy. "No more than that."
"Then how come you moaned?"
He holds up his arm and points to the little scar where the skin was sewn together over the end. "It's a little sensitive sometimes, but I don't mind you touching it."
I never touched anybody's sex before, not even when us kids would get to horsing around like kids do, but the only thing I can think of is to make him feel as wonderful as he's made me feel.
It ain't long before Tor's pulling me back up for a big hug.
"Was I okay?"
"You saved my life is all. Vince gets me all hot and then drops me like he did you. It's funny. He's selfish as hell about getting his kicks, but he's generous with everything else. It's like as long as he's satisfied, he doesn't care about how I feel. You made me feel great."
He begins to rub my back. If I've got a hang-up, it's that. I just go limp when somebody rubs my back, specially if I'm up-tight about something. I turn a little so he can rub all the way down. It's wonderful to feel so relaxed. When he stops, I give him a kiss and prop up on my elbow so I can look at him. I've got a feeling like I haven't had since I lived with Doug and Ted. I hug him again.
Suddenly he pushes me away with a yell. "My God! What have I done?"
He's got the most awful look I ever saw. I reach out for his hand wanting him to hold me, to bring back that feeling of being loved again. "What is it? What did I do?"
Tor looks like he's about to cry. "You didn't do anything; it's me. I swore I'd never bring anybody out and I just did."
"What are you talking about?"
"This is your first time, isn't it?"
I nod.
"I knew it," he says in a ragged voice. "The first time you have sex with another guy is called 'coming out.'"
"So why're you unhappy?"
"You're probably straight and I took advantage of you. I swore a long time ago I'd never bring anybody out; I'd wait for somebody who knew the score. Now I've done what I swore I wouldn't."
I lay my head on his chest. "That don't count, cause I love you."
He grabs my shoulder and pushes me back enough to look into my eyes. "What did you say?"
"I love you."
He crushes me in a hug, kissing me on the forehead, then on my lips. "Oh, baby, I love you, too. I've been so lonely. Don't ever leave me, no matter what."
"You mean it?"
"I can be hard to live with sometimes, but you're the one I've been looking for. I'll always love you, Drew."
If Tor was beautiful before, it's nothing to the way he looks now. It's sort of like the difference between a light bulb that's been off and suddenly someone turns it on. He's glowing. He pulls me closer and the glow dims a little.
"We've got to talk about this, baby."
"What's to talk about? We've got each other. That's enough."
"No, it isn't. I can't give up Vince's attention, much as I want to, because I can't finish school without it. He's paying for it all. I don't have a penny, 'cept what he gives me. He can do a lot for you, too. But if I ever catch you looking at anybody else the way you looked at me a minute ago, I'll kill you. I just couldn't stand it. You hear me?"
"No way, Tor. I knew the minute you touched me it was going to be you and me and nobody else, ever. I've been thinking 'bout you since I saw you that first night. I'd of hated anybody else touching me, but you're different. I wanted to make you love me, so I guess you're stuck with me now."
"I'll never let you go."
"You'd better not."
My head's been resting on his arm, now he holds it up and starts to rub the end with his hand. If I made it hurt, I've got to make it better, so I push his hand away and begin to rub it gently up to his shoulder and back.
Tor sighs and lays back, closing his eyes. "That feels good."
"Did I make it hurt laying my head on it?"
"Not really. Just cut off the circulation a little and that makes it ache. Rubbing it like that helps a lot."
I keep on rubbing it for a while, then I put my finger on the end and pushed carefully. Right under the skin, I can feel the bone. It's weird.
"Does it bother you?" Tor says.
"What?"
"My not having a hand."
The way he says it, something comes over me. From things, he's said once or twice, I know he wishes he had it. He's so beautiful, so warm and gentle, I can't help it. I bust out crying; crying for him, crying for me, crying for the hand that's cut off.
He rolls over and puts his arms around me 'til I get it all together. "Do you hate the sight of it that much, baby?"
"No! You're the most wonderful guy I ever knew. I love you, Tor."
"Why are you crying, then?"
I put my hand on the end of his arm. "Because I want you to have the rest of it. I'd give you mine if I could."
"Oh, Drew, Drew," he says softly, "nobody's ever cared before except Vince, and he only cares because it's gone." He hugs me so hard I can feel his heart beating against my chest. "Don't worry about it. It was taken off a long time ago. I barely remember what it's like to have two hands and what you don't know, you never miss. You're really sweet to care so much about me."
I go to sleep in his arms.